so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
