Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
