Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Someone shit on the floor
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
