i can't believe i had my finger in that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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