yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
