haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
