So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
