I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want nice things and good sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
