so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
