do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
