guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
