We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
