No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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