...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
