omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
