I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
