I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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