ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
