Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
