i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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