I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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