That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
