Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
