The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
