sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
