Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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