I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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