fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
