God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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