hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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