JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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