You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
