I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
