i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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