Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
