im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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