you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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