At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
