Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
