when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
