I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
