Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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