It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
