dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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