He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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