Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
