a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
