And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
