My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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