$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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